SIN-LUM

All of us are very sweet , cute, chubby until we hit puberty age...... At this point of age, we all start to feel for the opposite sex or maybe the same sex, it's as per person's personal interest. So, puberty age is like a timer, after that life really changes in a lot of manners. We literally go through so many things like anxiety, insecurity, overthinking, and yes love. People who don't feel anything like that are not alive or maybe some spiritual spirits (hahaha hahaha).  Anyway, let's talk about my story in which I will share how I fell in love with one girl who is elder in my age and I really don't know what she thinks about me.

It actually started one and half a year ago, when I was in Delhi to meet my best friend.  One my best friend and I went to meet his (best friend) sister in a mall near Saket. That was the very first day I saw her sitting next to my best friend's sister in a food court. They both were school time friends and they also met after a very long time. She was looking so beautiful and sweet. That fairy glow skin and chubby smile took my heart. A 20-year-old guy was losing his mind to an elder girl. 

I was sitting opposite to her, pretending to watch a football match on T.V but actually, I was looking at her eyes, her hair. Those little eyes of hope and love...  She was, in short, a bright white sun in the black universe.

After lunch in the food court, we left that place. I was curious to know about her. I was finding a way to ask my best friend about her. When we reached my friend's place where I was staying. I started talking about her again and again. I ended up sending her to follow request on a social media website.

BOOHOO, she accepted my follow request on the same day, but it wasn't any sign of anything. She accepted because her school time friend was my best friend's sister, its ok, I too know its blunder.

Going ahead...

We all decided to go to a club and enjoy there, i was happy deep inside because i will watch her again. She was wearing a black net and very good dress. She was ready for the party. Nobody was having any idea that i started liking her madly. I was so shy dancing in front of her. That night till 1000hrs (1 A.M) i was looking at her, and she was dancing in joy.

''I LOVE THE SILENT BEAUTY OF HER, SHE IS LIKE A PICKLE WE WANT. HER IMMENSE BEAUTY FLOWS LIKE A RIVER IN DESERT. AN OASIS IN MID SAHARA, WOODS IN WHITE HIMALAYAS AND MORNING BREEZE AFTER WAR ENDS. SHE IS LIKE A PICKLE WE WANT.......''

Same day afternoon I left for Chandigarh, all the time in my classroom to my hostels i was stalking and checking her aesthetic pictures. She loves traveling. I started texting her and discussing her pictures and all, slowly we became friends. We started talking on a daily basis and sharing our boring life. I was much happy.

- Yes, it was just a one-sided love.

After a couple of months in winters, she was in Jammu and i asked about her number so that i  can call her. And then I decided to tell her everything. Talking on the phone call, i told her each and everything i feel for her. She replied in a very nice way. Yes, she didn't accept my proposal but she too likes me but in a normal way, that was enough for me at that time because love grows slowly. But somehow somewhere that age gap was also a reason. But i never end our conversation i tried to maintain each and everything normal very good. I learned a lot of things from her. How to control our emotions. Listen to a lot, talk less and much more.

As the day was passing we were coming close to each other, as a friend. But i never ever did anything which may lead to end our conversation. She went back to her native place, ''the land of high passes" near river INDUS.

The day she reached her home, she started showing her little things and animals all around. AHAAN I too love cats. She actually came back from Delhi for some studies and exams. We used to talk for hours. But each day passing something was fading away. Maybe her interest or fear. The main reason for all of this was our 5 year age gap.

Yes, love has no age bars, but some people made it a fantasy to be with elder woman. I am not amongst them. I  really think of myself with her in our fifties. But i think she was afraid of being cheated or ditched because you know how 21-year-old guy fantasy gets changed. I never ever wrote anything for any girl before. But my first ever GHAZAL was on her. By that ghazal, i tried to explain that age is just an excuse in us but alas, she hardly understood.

Some lines from that GHAZAL:

''SINDH SAI LAIKAR AWO MAI TUMHAY, DEKH LO JANNAT KAY NAZARAY. MILL JAYEGI MUJAY MOHABBAT MERI, USS  JEHLUM KAY KINARAY''

Before 2019's summer everything was perfect and good but after June when she went back to  DELHI for some examination she got fully changed in my terms. The way she used to talk and react totally changed. That white antelope, attractive deer eyes is lost somewhere.

I don't know what happened to her, I don't know anything about our future but yes i know one thing, I am not a loser, I am very patient in terms of love and caring someone. I don't talk to her every day but i keep myself around her. I don't show but i really care, i don't react but it hurts.

She might never get an idea about how fazil is mad for her, but i will never do such thing which will make hatred in her heart. I can sacrifice my all thing to her but if she respects it so.
Before every rose grows, we get hurt by its thorn. So for every good thing, we will face problems, ignorance and so many more things. We cannot force anyone to love us but we can make him/her to love us ever and forever.

Yes, it's hard to get her because of age or maybe something else but I will never lose hope. Every lotus rise in the swamp. So for me, the lotus is she and all swamp around her are those problems and misunderstanding which she has......

I don't know whether she has the same feelings for me or not, whether we will meet for the second time or not. I will pray and keep my patience and i will always try to draw her attention. If she is written in my destiny she will be sure mine. If not i will never stop loving her and she will be always in the soft corner of my beloved heart, living forever...........